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Ass I Wish

I wish I had a great ass, but I don't.

I wish most men wanted to play with it, but they won't.

I've just got an ass, same as any human.

No one's gonna write songs about my ass.

No one's gonna ask to photograph my ass for a magazine.

No one's gonna tell me I've got the best ass they've ever seen, felt, tasted, loved.

Still I wish somebody loved by ass.

Even if that somebody was somebody other than me.

Monster Bash

I am not a monster. I just play one in your imagination.

You know, the guy you automatically dismiss as a potential love or sex partner because he's living with the AIDS virus.

Who could love a man who wasn't disease-free?

Why, that would take a soul who's brave enough to conquer his fears, educated himself about safer sex, open his mind up to unbridled passion with a man. Who happens to be living with HIV/AIDS.

I am not a monster. I just play one in your imagination.

Why Am I Still Single?

Fifty-year-old gay man who's never been in a relationship. That's what I'll be in six months, unless I'm no longer living, or living a dream come true, a dream I've dreamt since age fourteen, a dream I have slim hope of ever coming true.

Love. A relationship. A partner. A buddy.

Call it what you want, I've never had it. Not even close.

Why am I single? It's a question I've been asking myself for years, including the time I wrote a blog post with a few speculative answers, a blog post called, Why Am I Single?

What Funk Be Here

What do I blog about on this funky blog?

I blog about dreams of mine, like Hollywood discovering AIDS: The Romantic Comedy.

I blog about funky questions running through my head, like Sexy and AIDS in the Same Sentence?

I write posts that remind the world (and myself) that a man can be Sexy, Confident, Comfortable and Poz.

Best of all, I blog about my deepest dream: finding Somebody to Love Me and My HIV.

How I Fell in Love with Me

I used to believe: white was better than black, straight was better than gay, negative was better than positive, and everybody else in the world was better than me because I was a black gay man living with HIV/AIDS.

Then, a funny thing happened on the way to my sad, lonely, worth-less life. I woke up from a very bad dream, a dream that said I had to accept anyone else's point of view about black gay men living with HIV/AIDS.

I begat a new dream, a dream where I learned to love myself for all that I am, for where I've been, what I've overcome, what I've made of myself and my life.

In this new dream, I fell in love. With myself. That's right, I fell in love with a funky, black, poz jock. I also realized: if it happened to me, if could happen to you, too.

That Boy

Who I can't stop thinking about.

Who's always there when I need him.

Who laughs at my jokes.

Whose eyes light up my soul.

Who cares about me. Whom I care about.

Who makes me believe in the impossible.

Who makes me believe love conquers all.

Someday, I'm gonna be that boy.

Someday, that boy is going to be loved beyond his wildest dreams.

iPoz

Why this funky little blog? Because another generation of young men are ashamed of their HIV-positive status and they need to know: you can still be healthy, happy, sexy, proud and poz.

Because nowhere else in the media is someone like me portrayed as a normal human being who wants to feel sexy and loved.

Because when I'm much, much, much older, fate willing, I can look back at my funky little blog and see how I was once a happy, horny, male sexual dawg.