May 28, 2009

Batter Up

I keep telling myself: somewhere in this world, there's gotta be one man who is as right for me as I am for him. One man who takes one look at me, says, "I gotta see about this guy." And he's gonna want me, regardless of my HIV status, because he knows I am one special man to have and to hold.

Will it ever happen? Fate only knows. Will we be monogamous? Fuck, if I know. We haven't even met yet! lol. Of course, I have given the subject a lot of thought, and so far, these are my views On Monogamy.

May 27, 2009

Must Be Smart About HIV!

Most people who are HIV-positive acquired HIV because they thought they were having sex with someone who was HIV-negative.

Avoiding poz dudes hasn't made one person safer. Only having safe sex with all dudes, neg or poz, makes one safer. Only men with brains enough to know this are good enough for me!

If a guy can't appreciate me and my body, HIV and all, he's a dumb ass, quite frankly, and he ain't the guy for me!

I'm special, for who I am, where I've been, what I've been through, what I've accomplished, what I have to offer, what kind of great lover I'd make, for ALL that I am.

HIV doesn't make me unattractive, undesirable or a bad catch. HIV is one of the many things that make me who I am.

The sum total of me is a great man who'd make a great buddy for another great man. My buddy's not gonna love me or not love me because of HIV. When he looks at me, he's gonna see more than a virus. He's gonna see a reflection of his own soul, beaming back with smiling and loving eyes.

I am so much more than an AIDS virus, and someday, another great man is gonna see me, meet me and know me as so much more.

Back Shot

Takes a strong man to survive with AIDS in a world that wants to turn you into an AIDS Monster.

Takes a strong man to dream of love in the gay world that prefers WHITES AND LATINS ONLY (nothing personal, no offense).

Takes a lot of strength being me, dreaming my dreams, living my life. Good thing I love to play in the great outdoors, since I haven't had a gym membership in over six years.

May 26, 2009

Wrestle Ya

Does my man need to have a certain HIV status, like HIV-positive?

It's certainly a question I've wrestled with over the years. Find out the answer in Charged Up: To Be or Not To Be HIV-Positive. Also check out How to Stay HIV-Negative in an HIV-Positive World, now on my author blog.

May 18, 2009

Dear American Racists of the 21st Century

You live in a country that has regarded blacks as the lowest members of society for hundreds of years.

Until the 1960s, blacks were portrayed in the movies and TV as negative characters not worthy of love, respect, romance, or being considered all-American. No other shade of Americans have been so hated and fear by so-called all-Americans.

Did you hear good things about black people in your household growing up?

How old were you the first time you heard something positive about a black man in general?

Were you born liking certain flavors of ice cream? Pie? Pizza?

Your racism hurts my feelings in ways you probably can't imagine.

I challenge you to take a serious look at my WHITES AND LATINS ONLY photo essay, then I encourage you to take some self reflection to find out why you've written off an entire race of people for love and sex before you've even laid eyes on them.

Were you born liking certain flavors of ice cream? Pizza? Pie? Were you born liking certain flavors of men?

May 16, 2009

Funky Summer Fun, Anyone?

At age 47, I'd love to spend my summer days and nights with a buddy. I dream of that buddy being around my age so we've had similar life experiences. I dream of us having fun throwing the ball around at the beach, shooting hoops in the hot summer sun, and of course, smelling one another's ripe manly pits.

At age 26, I had different needs when summer rolled around. I was trying to find out: who the fuck am I and what about this thing called HIV inside my body? That was 1988. Emotionally, I was still an adolescent boy. And I had just tested HIV-positive.

What did I do that summer of '88? I took off for Cancun, Mexico, for some time off and a reality shift. What happened while I was there? Two straight white teenage boys and their single white mom changed my life forever. And vice versa.

That summer adventure served as inspiration for my second novel, Bridge Across the Ocean, the story of a friendship between a black gay and and two white teenage brothers. Duh!

Did I mention I was attracted to the oldest brother? Writing a book about that overwhelming time was the only way to bring it down to whelming.

I'm a man now, and in part, Bridge Across the Ocean was my bridge to manhood. It's a great summer read and hopefully someday, a heartwarming movie.

As far as what I want for my funky summer of '09, can you say beaches, barbecues, ballgames and a buddy my own age? Buddy, are you out there?

May 9, 2009

Smell Him

I dream of smelling him, not a concoction a stranger in a lab concocted to make millions for a corporate giant.

I dream of smelling him, his distinct scent, as individual as a fingerprint or a snowflake. I dream of that aromatic fingerprint on my nose, then my brain, forever stored in my memory, my being.

I dream of his smell turning me on, and when I'm irritated at him, I dream of his smell turning me off. Why does he have to smell that way? Oh, thank god he smells this way!

I dream of a life rich with my buddy's scents, whatever they are, however they make me feel, whatever consequences his scents bring to my life.

I dream of smelling him and of him smelling me.

I dream of my buddy dreaming the same dream about his buddy's scents.