August 17, 2009

Feeling Special

How does one man make another man feel special? By asking about his dick size? By fucking his brains out? By worshiping him like some kind of god?

Most heterosexual men learn early on that a man must make a woman feel special if he wants anything from her other than blue balls and lonely nights.

The men might fail, but they understand they gotta keep at it until they get it right because, generally speaking, no woman worth more than a mindless sexual encounter is gonna give it up unless she feels special.

But what about two men? Does a man need to feel special to have sex? Generally speaking, no.
"I deserve more than disposable meat. I deserve food for my soul."
Maybe that's why it's easy for gay men to treat one another like disposable products. As if love and sex should be approached like buying meat at the store. You see what's available, inspect the quality, see if it's up to your pre-determined standards, then you decide whether or not to make the transaction, knowing the meat is gonna be in and out of your life like all the other meat you've consumed over the years.

The meat you buy today is no more or less special than the meat you bought the last time you went shopping; it's just something to keep you going. After all, we've all got biological needs, right? And a tasty piece of meat can be a great thing, right?

Or maybe gay men seem expendable to one another because many gay men were never made to feel special by their families, their peers in school or the world at large. Hard to make someone else feel special when you yourself haven't experienced being valued for who you are.

My ultimate dream is to experience something beyond disposable meat. Men have felt me, but few have taken the time to feel me, to find out what makes me feel special or shared with me what makes them feel special.

What makes me feel special? Someone asking me about my dreams and goals in life, then taking a vested interest in those dreams and goals. Someone who listens. Someone who opens up and shares his own hopes and dreams. Someone who values me when he's horny and when he's not. Someone who responds with kindness when I'm hurting, no matter the source of the hurt. Someone who wants to get to know me in and out of bed. Someone open to creating new ways to make us both feel special.

I may be dreaming, but I wanna feel special. And I deserve more than disposable meat. I deserve food for my soul. To be sure, I deserve great sex. But I also deserve a man who can be a male sexual dawg without cutting off the circulation to his brain and his heart.

I deserve that kind of buddy and that kind of relationship. My buddy and--we both deserve that special feeling a man gets when his buddy does something that makes him feel like one very special man among men.

You out there, buddy?