Love or AIDS?

I dream of a big Hollywood movie where two people fall in love, then one of them finds out--gasp!--the other one is HIV-positive!

Great peril ensues. It's more than they bargained for! The outrageous new romantic comedy. Do you believe in miracles and love? Will they? Won't they? Would you?

In the end, the HIV-negative one, despite all odds, decides to run off into the sunset and live happily ever after with the HIV-positive one.

Love conquers all, especially when two people educated themselves on How to Stay HIV-Negative in an HIV-Positive World.

AIDS and Sexy in the Same Sentence?

The deadly disease. That's how the media first described HIV/AIDS back in the 1980s.

Since then, the descriptions haven't gotten much better. AIDS is often used alongside words like tragic, fatal, death.

And so I began to wonder: what it would be like, seeing those four little letters linked to better words and better dreams, dreams involving feeling sexy and alive while living with the virus.

I'm liking this new way of looking at a-i-d-s.

Wanted: A Man Who's Buddy Material

What makes a man buddy material?

When you're so much alike, hanging out together feels like the most natural thing in the world.

When you're so different in what you're good at, seeing how the other operates is a constant fascination.

When you see his goofy side and it makes you laugh. When he sees your soft side, and it makes him smile.

When you think alike, like the same things and mean it when you say, brother.

That's my idea of a man who's buddy material. Is anybody out there buddy material?

Why the Name Funky Black Poz Jock?

Funky. Because the best kind of man is a man with flavor.

Black. Because the best flavor is sweaty black funk.

Poz. Because courage counts.

Jock. Because the sexiest kind of man is a man with flavor in a jock.

Funky black poz jock.
The sexy side of me.
The male sexual dawg in us all.

Surviving While HIV-Positive in an HIV-Negative World

Dear Poz People, don't let the negative bigots define you.

It's a tough, negative crowd out there. People call themselves clean and disease-free to distinguish themselves from those of us who are living with HIV/AIDS.

Bug free. No diseases whatsoever. Super duper clean. UB2.

Before, AIDS those phrases did not exist. Since AIDS, insensitive people have created an entire lexicon designed to keep out the virus and anyone with it.

As if doing so keeps them safe, or implies better worth.

"You do not have to apologize for living with HIV/AIDS."

Do not let them get away with it.

Tell your friends how it feels, hearing them use those words.

Call out websites and media outlets that permit that kind of language.

Make these words and attitudes unacceptable in your life.

Do not integrate these thoughts into your vision of your world.

When these words invade your world, see them for what they are: an invasion. Consider the source ill-informed, ill-willed or simply an invader.

Most important, don't let how the world feels about people with HIV define how you feel about people with HIV.

When communicating with others, don't frame your personal situation in apologetic words: I'm a great guy, the only thing is, I have HIV.

Too apologetic. You do not have to apologize for living with HIV/AIDS.

Or: I'm HIV-positive, if you can't handle it, move on

Too defensive. You are not on trial for having HIV/AIDS.

How about a better approach?

Oh, by the way, I'm HIV-positive, and I'm hoping you're educated enough to know about safe sex.

Hope you're educated enough to know I'm not a threat to your health if we have safe sex.

We can have a great sex life, even if you're HIV-negative, as long as you're open-minded, open-hearted and educated about safe sex.

I love to eat butt, but you must be educated about safer sex with poz dudes. Not here to eat dumb asses.

Reveal your status, not like it's a dark secret or deal-breaker.

Reveal your status with a confidence that says, I'm merely revealing something a little more intimate about myself, and I certainly hope, for your sake and mine, you're educated about HIV and safe sex.

Life with HIV/AIDS doesn't have to be full of gloom and doom.

Life with HIV/AIDS can be whatever you dream it to be.

• Reprinted from my author blog.
  

Why I got to be non-existent in movies and shit?

Why I got to be non-existent in movies and shit?

Why can't I be the hero who happens to be black and living with HIV?

Why can't I be the best friend, the father, the love interest, who happens to be black and living with HIV?

Why I got be invisible or not even in the script, like nobody like me lives in the world today?

Why I got to be ignored, like me and my kind don't matter any which way you slice it?

Why I got to be non-existent in movies and shit?

I Love Me, I Really, Really Love Me!

I used to believe: white was better than black, straight was better than gay, negative was better than positive, and everybody else in the world was better than me because I was a black gay man living with HIV/AIDS.

Then, a funny thing happened on the way to my sad, lonely, worth-less life. I woke up from a very bad dream, a dream that said I had to accept anyone else's point of view about black gay men living with HIV/AIDS.

I begat a new dream, a dream where I learned to love myself for all that I am, for where I've been, what I've overcome, what I've made of myself and my life.

In this new dream, I fell in love. With myself. That's right, I fell in love with a funky, black, poz jock. I also realized: if it happened to me, if could happen to the man of my dreams, too. After all, anything is possible.

Anyone in this world can fall in love with a funky, black, poz jock.

Dealing with Disease-Free Dummies

Why do so many gay men feel the need to say things, like, disease-free, no bugs, super clean, UB2?

Saying these things reeks of ignorance and insensitivity. Yet these words are more than commonplace online. Makes me wanna scream, then open up a can of whoop ass on somebody's head. But I know better.

Instead I ask, HIV-Neg Guys: Must You Hurt My Feelings? And to those who just don't get it, I have a cup of patience and try to explain Why the Term “Disease-Free” Hurts My Feelings. Here's hoping somebody's listening.