HIV-P.O.V. Week

Now on my author blog: it's HIV-P.O.V. Week, featuring the best of HIV-P.O.V., a blog column featuring life from the point of view of someone living with HIV/AIDS for more than half my life.

Witness the good, the bad and the ugly side of living with the AIDS virus in a disease-free world. Would you be strong enough?

HIV-P.O.V. Week, now on my author blog.

Why I got to be a big black Mandingo?

Why I got to be a big black Mandingo?

What if I want to be a male cheerleader?

What if I want to be a big black bottom?

What if I want to be versatile?

What if I want to be a sissy?

What if I want to be a stud?

What if I want to be all or none of those things?

Why I got to be a big black Mandingo?

And in the Next 25 Years?

Twenty-five years ago today, Rock Hudson shocked the world by admitting he had AIDS.

Twenty-five years ago today, the doctors on TV told me I had the AIDS virus.

Twenty-five years later, a whole new generation of gay boys are fucking their brains out bareback-style, as long as the other guy says he's clean and disease-free.

Makes a guy who hasn't been disease-free for 25 years wonder what the next 25 years will bring.

Tough Enough to Live with AIDS?

You gotta have some serious will to survive when you've been living with HIV/AIDS for 25 years and counting.

Luck helps, too. So does guts, and the ability to feel worth something in a world that feels people with AIDS are worth less.

It takes a special kind of strength to keep your hopes and dreams alive when the world fears you, avoids you and doesn't try to understand you or your virus.

Who's tough enough to make it in today's world while living with HIV/AIDS? I know I'm grateful I am.

Four Funky Qu's

Why am I single? Find out in Why Am I Single?

Will I ever meet the love of my life? I keep telling myself, There Must Be Some Buddy.

Do the men I date need to have a certain blood type? Find out Why HIV Status Doesn't Matter.

What will I do if I never find somebody to love? I'm gonna keep on Learning to Love Me.

When a Neg Guy Loves a Poz Guy

In the 1980s and early 90s, gay men had to deal with AIDS in ways far different than telling the world, "disease-free. UB2. No bugs. No poz guys. Neg as of (a certain date). Neg for neg only" and all the rest of the crazy lines left on today's gay hookup sites.

In the first decades of AIDS, many gay men learned how to protect themselves by having safer sex with everyone. Back then, gay men didn't discuss or reveal HIV status for fear of quarantine or massive societal rejection. Or eviction. Or termination at work. Or being disowned.

The reality of the day: you never know who has HIV (they themselves might not even know), so you better take responsibility for yourself by having no sex with anyone, or safe sex with everyone, as if you or they might be HIV-positive.

Many of the men who behaved this way are alive and HIV-negative today. Many of them have had lovers die of AIDS, but they themselves remain negative. And these men know more than anyone: you don't have to get HIV/AIDS from loving someone who happens to be HIV-positive.

Thank you, smart HIV-negative guys. You think with your brain, not your fear of the unknown.

Don't see us poz people as untouchable poison. You don't go around saying, "disease-free. UB2. No bugs. Neg as of (a certain date). Neg for neg only" and all the rest of the crazy lines left on today's gay hookup sites.

You help heal the hurt. You help ease the pain. You bring a smile to my face when a neg guy loves a poz guy.

When I Was Young, Gifted and Black

At age 48, I may not be young, but I'm still gifted and black. But what if I could hop in a DeLorean, travel back in time and give myself a little advice?

I made a list, just in case I happen to find the right vehicle to get me to the past, then back to the future.

See what I would say to young myself in 15 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Young, Gifted and Black, now on my author blog.

It's Like O Magazine, Only Funkier!

Some may wonder: what is funky black jock poz? Moreover: why funky black poz jock?

When I was a young boy, I ran my own magazine. In my mind at least. It starred me, was all about me, and solely intended for an audience of me. It was called Sky Magazine, as in sky's the limit. It was my personal Newsweek, Time and diary rolled into one. Ebony Me.

I created Sky Magazine to fill a void. The void was the lack of images of anyone who looked like me and thought like me in the vast universe, as seen on TV and in the movies. And so I created my own content to fill the void.

Flash forward to today's whiz-bang digital age. I have two personal magazines, so to speak! My author blog, Randy Boyd's Blocks, and my sexy blog, this one, where I can visualize and share the sexy side of a funky black hiv-poz jock.

My blogs exist for the same reason Sky Magazine existed in my childhood brain. To fill the world with images of someone who looks and thinks like me. After all, the void still exists. When's the last time you saw a TV show or movie, or read a book about someone like me (other than my four novels)?

The void still exists, even in our whiz-bang hi-tech world. Only now, I'd like to think the void is beginning to be filled.

More Love Than a Sex Club

Once upon a time, at a gathering of gay men, I felt more love from more men than I ever did in my sex club days.

What gathering was that? What kind of love did I feel? Find out in More Love than a Sex Club, now on my author blog.

Then, check out the visceral reaction that followed in Racial Profiling for Love, also on my author blog at Randy Boyd's Blocks.

Semper Poz

I was HIV-negative for the first twenty-three years of my life.

Now, I've been HIV-positive for twenty-five years and counting.

What's it been like, living among men who call themselves disease-free?

See life through my eyes in the funky posts labeled Semper Poz, now on my funky blog.

Honk If You're Ripe for Funky Pits

I dream of me and my buddy playing outdoors in the hot summer sun, then retreating back to our pad to bask in the funk of our ripe, manly armpits.

We take big whiffs to see who has the riper pits.

We get high off the smell of one another's manliness.

Me and my buddy, we're ripe for funky pits.

No Favoritism for Black Men

Guys reveal a lot about themselves with their online dating profiles, especially if they're allowed to show the world what kind of men they find desirable.

Take the profiles on bigmuscle.com and its many spin-offs. Any member can click on any other profile and let people know: I like this one!

Many guys have hundreds of favorites but zero who are black. How do I know this? It's easy. All I have to do is tell my computer to search a person's favorites and highlight BLK or BLACK, two things commonly found in screen names created by black men.

It's all online for anyone to witness and quantify: most gay men can pick out hundreds of men they like without having one single black guy on the list. How is that possible, unless they already know what studies have shown: Black Gay Men are Least Wanted.

Dreaming of My Dream Buddy

In my dreams, my buddy and I are both men of integrity.

My buddy and I value honesty as much as we value oxygen.

My buddy and I don't think of ourselves as labels, like gay, straight or bi.

My buddy and I don't box ourselves into categories, like top and bottom.

What else do I dream of us being? Find out in My Buddy and Me: the Kind of Men We Are.

Big Black Cock and Little White Brains

If I had a dollar for each time a white guy asked me about my dick, I could afford to buy a billboard that said:

What else can a black man become to you besides a “big, black penis?"

They've even given it an acronym: BBC, as in big black cock.

If I go on a gay dating site with a screen name that suggests BLACK BOTTOM, I get very few hits.

If I go on a gay dating site with a screen name that suggests BLACK TOP, I get a barrage of messages from men in search of BBC.

What else can a black man become to you besides a “big, black penis?" Must you really know: How Big Is My Dick?

Monogamy or Open Relationship?

When I was a kid, I envisioned strict monogamy in my relationships. Then again, I also imagined my buddy and I would wait a whole year to have sex!

As adult, my perception of men has changed. As a result, so too have my views On Monogamy.

Disease-Free and Bigoted

Some gay men just don't get it.

They go around boasting of their "disease-free" status like it's a badge of honor, a degree they earned, or an award that makes them a better person.

In reality, a gay man using terms like "disease-free" and "clean" is an ignorant and insensitive man.

If I could tell him anything, I'd tell him Why the Term “Disease-Free” Hurts My Feelings.

Feeling Like Feeling Special

Wanted: some buddy who gives me That Special Feeling.

When I Was Young, Gifted and Black

Nowadays, I'm 48, gifted and black (see photo with this post). Once upon a time, I was young, gifted and black.

See how I looked in my younger days, plus see what I would say if I could travel back in time and tell myself 15 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Young, Gifted and Black, now on my author blog.

Also on my author blog: go back to school with me in High School Highlights: 30 Years Later and College Daze: 25 Years Later.

Possible is the Impossible

Anything is possible. I've survived living with HIV/AIDS for a quarter of a century.

Anything is possible. I once thought I wouldn't live long enough to see the Atlanta Olympics in 1996.

Anything is possible. Someday, I'm gonna find love.

Dreaming of Him Dreaming of Me

I'm going to bed tonight dreaming of the right man for me.

He exists. He's dreaming of me right now, envisioning an intelligent, sexy, funny, athletic black man who's ready to be his partner in life.

He exists, and he's not gonna run away from me because I'm living with HIV/AIDS. He's gonna admire my courage and strength. He'll want to know me and everything that makes me tick.

He's going to love me like no other man has loved me. He exists, and tonight I'm going to fall asleep dreaming of him.

Wanted: A Buddy Who Has My Back

Living with HIV/AIDS for 25 years and counting has taught me many things, none more important than the following:

The people who matter in your life are the people who care whether or not you're alive or dead, and if you're not feeling well, whether or not there's anything they can do to help you feel better.

That's it. Who else matters and why should they?

If a person doesn't give a hoot about your survival, they ain't the person for you. Simple as that. That's why I'm hoping to find a buddy who has my back.

Any buddy out there?

Black Man Bearing Witness

When's the last time you turned on the TV and hear the opinion of a man who happened to be black, gay and living with HIV/AIDS?

Do I even exist in other people's minds? Do I warrant a space in people's hearts, minds souls? Am I worthy of a voice? Heavens yes.

This sexy blog, my author blog and my novels are my way of exercising my voice, sharing my world, bearing witness and putting my footprint on planet earth.

How am I doing so far?

Why I'm Happy Living with HIV/AIDS

If I weren't living with HIV/AIDS, I would have been dead way back in the 1980s.

If I weren't living with HIV/AIDS, I wouldn't be around to write this blog or my author blog.

If I weren't living with HIV/AIDS, I would have missed meeting and knowing my dog Boomer.

If I weren't living with HIV/AIDS, I wouldn't be able to bare witness to being Semper Poz.

If I weren't living with HIV/AIDS, I wouldn't have realized I'm not gay, just jock crazy.

If I weren't living with HIV/AIDS, I wouldn't have this sexy blog and be able to post funky pics, so the world can know both AIDS and me in a different light.

Funky Imperfection

I don't imagine me or my buddy having so-called “perfect bodies.”

We'll have the bodies of real men, complete with battle scars from a warrior's journey.

Still, our imperfect bodies will be a perfect match.