October 31, 2010
Take a journey with Count Randolpho. Find out how America allowed another wave of AIDS Epidemic II on the youth of today. That's right, the bitch is back.
Go there, if you dare, with the AIDS Monster Movie Marathon, a story told backwards in a car driving forward, a Halloween tradition on my author blog.
October 29, 2010
Maybe then the gay men of today wouldn't be so disease-free and bigoted.
Maybe then the gay men of today wouldn't be starring in their own version of AIDS Panic II: the 21st Century Sequel.
See life from my funky point of view in the funky posts labeled Semper Poz.
October 25, 2010
Take it from this 48-year-young gay kid: it definitely gets better.
The best sign of better things: You'll be in the midst of some really great sex--hot, sweaty, passionate--and you'll think to yourself: This is why I'm a fag.
This is why I put up with all the world's shit about men who have sex with men: to feel this good with another man, to feel this alive, this free, this connected, this content, this much on fire, this much in love with sex and life. And cock. Or ass. Or holding onto another man, kissing another man. Or just lying naked together. Or doing whatever the fuck we want.
This is why I'm a fag. This is what I survived my youth for, what fought for the right to be. Me.
This is me. This is where I want to be.
This is what makes being a fag worthwhile.
October 22, 2010
While summers seem made for sweaty jockstraps or going commando, the colder months always find me in the mood to snuggle my ass up to that old-fashioned standby, the tighty whitey.
Like a cup of hot coco or a firm hug, tighty whiteys give me that extra sense of comfort as nature chills life.
Or maybe it's just me, dreaming of hanging out with my buddy in front of warm fireplace, snuggling together in our tighty whiteys.
October 18, 2010
The one who is perfect for me and for whom I'm perfect.
Complimentary interests. Compatible tastes. A lifetime of adventure.
I've yet to meet this dream buddy but I still have hope.
Hope that I'll turn the right corner at the right time, or he'll pick me out from a crowd, then feel compelled to follow the light.
We'll meet, smile, shake hands. And a lifetime of adventure begins.
October 15, 2010
Wait until you're much older and more mature, say, 48 years old.
Hold off until you have a really good reason, like showing the world how a man can be proud of his naked body, even after living with HIV/AIDS for 25 years and counting.
I repeat: don't post nude pics of yourself on the Internet. And give away everything.
Always leave them wanting more funky pics.
October 14, 2010
Am I a top or bottom? What if I like both top and bottom?
Am I black or white? What about my light skin and the white man's DNA running through it? What about Native American blood inside me?
What the fuck am I? lol
A man who doesn't fit into boxes, who wants to be with another man who doesn't fit into boxes, so we be buddies for life, make funky, sweaty love, and think about eating out women. lol
October 13, 2010
Because nowhere else in the media is someone like me portrayed as happy, healthy, sexy, proud and poz.
Because when I'm much, much, much older, fate willing, I can look back at my funky little blog and see how I was once a happy, horny, male sexual dawg.
October 9, 2010
Twenty-five years ago this month, Rock Hudson died of AIDS. The entire world was gripped in the AIDS Panic. The AIDS Monster was the number one terrorist worldwide.
At the time, I was 23 years old and HIV-positive. I was an AIDS Monster and couldn't tell a soul. I heard the AIDS Panic in people's daily conversations. I heard the AIDS jokes. When the entire world was obsessed with AIDS, I had AIDS and the world didn't know it.
And I survived, twenty-five years and counting. I survived to witness a second AIDS epidemic, currently infecting the youth of America. The difference in 2010: the AIDS Monster gets no hype, no media attention, no buzz.
But young kids in America are being infected daily, mostly because they possess very little training in the survival tool known as safer sex. The result: I, a longtime survivor of HIV/AIDS, now see young men and women on the net who are 23 years old and HIV-positive, as I was 25 years ago.
My heart breaks a little each and every time I see someone who's young and HIV-positive.
You can live a long, full life, I tell them, giving them a brief recap of my success story. Anything is possible. Keep dreaming big.
Thanks, they'll tell me. Many of them tell me how it helps, hearing my story. Seems to make them feel a little better about themselves and their chances for a happy, healthy life.
That alone gives me comfort when I think about the young men and women who are 23 years old and HIV-positive in 2010.
Great peril ensues. It's more than they bargained for! The outrageous new romantic comedy. Do you believe in miracles and love? Will they? Won't they? Would you?
In the end, the HIV-negative one, despite all odds, decides to run off into the sunset and live happily ever after with the HIV-positive one.
Love conquers all, especially when two people educated themselves on How to Stay HIV-Negative in an HIV-Positive World.
October 8, 2010
Since then, the descriptions haven't gotten much better. AIDS is often used alongside words like tragic, fatal, death.
And so I began to wonder: what it would be like, seeing those four little letters linked to better words and better dreams, dreams involving feeling sexy and alive while living with the virus.
I'm liking this new way of looking at a-i-d-s.
October 6, 2010
When you're so much alike, hanging out together feels like the most natural thing in the world.
When you're so different in what you're good at, seeing how the other operates is a constant fascination.
When you see his goofy side and it makes you laugh. When he sees your soft side, and it makes him smile.
When you think alike, like the same things and mean it when you say, brother.
That's my idea of a man who's buddy material. Is anybody out there buddy material?
October 5, 2010
Black. Because the best flavor is sweaty black funk.
Poz. Because courage counts.
Jock. Because the sexiest kind of man is a man with flavor in a jock.
Funky black poz jock.
The sexy side of me.
The male sexual dawg in us all.
October 4, 2010
It's a tough, negative crowd out there. People call themselves clean and disease-free to distinguish themselves from those of us who are living with HIV/AIDS.
Bug free. No diseases whatsoever. Super duper clean. UB2.
Before, AIDS those phrases did not exist. Since AIDS, insensitive people have created an entire lexicon designed to keep out the virus and anyone with it.
As if doing so keeps them safe, or implies better worth.
"You do not have to apologize for living with HIV/AIDS."
Do not let them get away with it.
Tell your friends how it feels, hearing them use those words.
Make these words and attitudes unacceptable in your life.
Do not integrate these thoughts into your vision of your world.
When these words invade your world, see them for what they are: an invasion. Consider the source ill-informed, ill-willed or simply an invader.
Most important, don't let how the world feels about people with HIV define how you feel about people with HIV.
Too apologetic. You do not have to apologize for living with HIV/AIDS.
Or: I'm HIV-positive, if you can't handle it, move on
Too defensive. You are not on trial for having HIV/AIDS.
How about a better approach?
Oh, by the way, I'm HIV-positive, and I'm hoping you're educated enough to know about safe sex.
Hope you're educated enough to know I'm not a threat to your health if we have safe sex.
I love to eat butt, but you must be educated about safer sex with poz dudes. Not here to eat dumb asses.
Reveal your status, not like it's a dark secret or deal-breaker.
Reveal your status with a confidence that says, I'm merely revealing something a little more intimate about myself, and I certainly hope, for your sake and mine, you're educated about HIV and safe sex.
Life with HIV/AIDS doesn't have to be full of gloom and doom.
Life with HIV/AIDS can be whatever you dream it to be.
- Reprinted from my author blog.
October 3, 2010
Why can't I be the hero who happens to be black and living with HIV?
Why can't I be the best friend, the father, the love interest, who happens to be black and living with HIV?
Why I got be invisible or not even in the script, like nobody like me lives in the world today?
Why I got to be ignored, like me and my kind don't matter any which way you slice it?
Why I got to be non-existent in movies and shit?
October 2, 2010
Then, a funny thing happened on the way to my sad, lonely, worth-less life. I woke up from a very bad dream, a dream that said I had to accept anyone else's point of view about black gay men living with HIV/AIDS.
I begat a new dream, a dream where I learned to love myself for all that I am, for where I've been, what I've overcome, what I've made of myself and my life.
In this new dream, I fell in love. With myself. That's right, I fell in love with a funky, black, poz jock. I also realized: if it happened to me, if could happen to the man of my dreams, too. After all, anything is possible.
Anyone in this world can fall in love with a funky, black, poz jock.
October 1, 2010
Saying these things reeks of ignorance and insensitivity. Yet these words are more than commonplace online. Makes me wanna scream, then open up a can of whoop ass on somebody's head. But I know better.
Instead I ask, HIV-Neg Guys: Must You Hurt My Feelings? And to those who just don't get it, I have a cup of patience and try to explain Why the Term “Disease-Free” Hurts My Feelings. Here's hoping somebody's listening.