On Monogamy

To fuck around or not fuck around. To be honest or lie about fucking around. In a relationship, those are two of the most important questions. To make it tougher, there are no right or wrong answers for everyone. I've never had a partner, so I've never had to make those choices. When I was a kid, I envisioned strict monogamy in a relationship. Then again, I also imagined my buddy and I would wait a whole year to have sex!

I'm not a kid anymore, and life has taught me that men, including this man, are capable of having sex with a grapefruit if the moment is right. The answers regarding monogamy are far from worked out in my mind. My only steadfast rule: no lying and cheating about anything. But what about the rest of the equation?

A passage in my fourth novel, Walt Loves the Bearcat, best expresses my views on monogamy, to date. The main character, Marcus "Bearcat" Coleman, is a black man who dreams of true love. He's also a writer and penned the following to show to the love of his life.

Free Will in a Relationship by Marcus Coleman

Creed One: I am not on this earth to tell anybody what they can and cannot do, or what is right or wrong, good or bad, or heaven and hell. I can only decide these truths for myself. As such, I would never tell you, my buddy, what you can and cannot do, or what is right and wrong for you. I would never put shackles on your God-given free will to be whatever you want, whomever you want, whenever you want.

Creed Two: We are buddies-for-life and partners in life. Our behavior and decisions greatly affect one another. As such, all major decisions affecting both our lives are best made as partners. Examples: buying a home, moving to another city, changing jobs, having sex outside the relationship. All major life decisions warrant open honest discussion, and hopefully, mutually agreed-upon choices that enrich both partners as two and as one. What needs to be weighed in every moment in life: does this serve me and my relationship? If not, which is more important: serving myself or serving my relationship?

Creed Three: Because sex is a trigger for a universe of emotion and conflict, we willingly add this one satellite moon to the God-given free will within the context of our relationship: no quick hook-up sex on the run with some person who happens to be in the right lane of the right freeway at the right time when your boner is seemingly indestructible. No coming home with—surprise!—magic beans, a beanstalk, a home, a job, a new city, a disease, or any other major wad of energy expended, without having a huddle, buddy to buddy.

“Can you believe a poor bastard who can’t find true love came up with that?” asked Bear.

—from Walt Loves the Bearcat by Randy Boyd

That's all Randy "Bearcat" Boyd knows about monogamy in relationships. So far anyway. Any buddy wanna share their ideas, maybe work it out together?

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