I spent half of my time in high school checking out other guy's butts in blue jeans. I had my favorite butts--mostly jock butts, of course--and knew when I'd see them in which hallway between which period and so on. I was a very well-prepared student.
In high school, I quit playing sports because I was a fag and thought the two were incompatible. Now I know better, which is why I write the column, Jockin' Homos in Sports on my author blog. In athletics, you can be as much of a fag as you want, as long as you don't “act” like a fag and keep your mouth shut about it, especially after you get done blowing your teammate (or your teammate gets done blowing you).
Like high school, sports is a confidence game. The more confidence you project, the more others are apt to go along with it. Lack of confidence is seen as a weakness. In high school, kids are always on the lookout for ways to exploit the weaknesses of others. It's the law of any jungle.
When I was in high school, I thought my urges to get off with other boys was a weakness. Little did Boy Randy know, all the other boys in school were having those same urges, more or less, one way or another. That's right. We were all fags, if you wanna get technical about it. Every last one of my peers in school thought about same-sex sex--more or less, in one way or another--and many, if not most, acted on those thoughts and desires at some point in their lives. We are all fags.
Had I realized that in high school, I could have turned my weakness into a strength, an asset, an advantage. I could have had my cake and eaten butt, too, so to speak. Some boys played the game better. They feigned confidence--or had it for one reason or another--and were able to get off with other boys and get away with not being labeled fag. These guys knew that they could be fags behind closed doors, as long as they didn't “act” like fags in public or talk openly about what went on between “the guys.”
“The guys” who, by the way, oftentimes, happened to play sports together, practice together, shower together, take road trips together. “The guys” who spend so much time together grappling, tackling, groping, sliding underneath one another, straddling, smelling, feeling, touching ... oh, no, but none of us are fags!
In high school, I thought I was one of the smart ones. Turns out, I was a dumb-ass in one respect. I had no idea the jocks of my school were also Jock Crazy.