A lot of dudes on the internet are proud of their HIV test dates. Seems like they're always telling the world: “Neg as of such and such a date.” So why not me?I was HIV-negative as of June-ish, 1985. I've been HIV-positive as of July 25, 1985. That was the day Rock Hudson told the world he had AIDS and the doctors on the tube that night told me I had AIDS. They were explaining the symptoms. Sounded pretty technical, but my layman's interpretation went something like this:
That big black cock you took up your ass the other week gave you the night sweats that gave you the same thing Rock Hudson's got, and you're both gonna die soon, and the world's gonna know why.
I made a pact with God that night: if I never touch another man, the night sweats will just be a fluke.
Didn't work. In '88, I made it official by getting tested.
My vow of celibacy turned into a vow of "never getting fucked again" somewhere over the course of the next few years. One time, I was with a popular porn star with a huge cock. I was too scared to even touch it as he jacked off on my chest.
I did eventually let another dick up my ass. Another porn star, another wad of cash from my wallet. By then, my vow of "never getting fucked again" had degenerated to "might as well save
my ass for true love, like a new virginity." But by 1991, there was no true love and no medical hope for the HIV-positive. I wasn't going to pass up a huge porn star cock this time. He wrapped it up, and for the first time since 1985, I was a fag in the truest sense of the word.Decades later, I feel like Rip Van Winkle, having woken up in this 21st century world. Young men bareback like there was never a thing called AIDS. Gay men party like there was never a thing called the 60s, the 70s, the 80s, and rehab. History repeats itself all right. We did Nam over in the Middle East, and young fags are as wild and free as any night at the baths in San Francisco, circa 1977.
AIDS is still here. I get fucked more often now, but not enough. Now most gay men don't dare touch my skin, and not just because it's black. I'm a monster in gay world now, an AIDS monster, to be precise. I can't get fucked now, or fuck anybody, or eat some really good ass like I wanna, because I'm HIV-positive.
Men discriminate against me left and right. No blacks. Whites only. Clean and disease-free only. HIV negative as of such and such a date.
But I'm still here. I still wanna have sex. I still wanna find true love. And for the rest of my life, I'll be semper poz.
