What I Need

I don't need a dick
I don't need a pussy
I don't need an ipod
I don't need a toy

I don't need a dog
I don't need a man
I don't need a woman
I don't need an ass
I don't need to be an ass

I don't need truth
I don't need lies
I don't need promises
I don't need love
I don't need hate

I need my freedom
I need my health
I need my mind

The rest of life is details.
The rest of life is not what I need to be me, sound-mind, healthy body and free.

I Hope, Therefore I Am

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My Racist Gay World

Most gay men won't date black men, so says a new survey in the journal AIDS and Behavior (and many a black man who's done time in the gay world).

As reported in HIV Plus Magazine, the survey revealed "blacks are deemed the least preferred as sexual partners by men of other ethnicities."

This prejudging of every black man alive as unacceptable for sexual intimacy “forces black gay men into closely-knit sexual networks that allow HIV to rapidly spread once introduced.”

HIV infection rates are disproportionately high among young black gay men. Now researchers believe one of the reasons is prejudice and racism.

Welcome to my world.

Smell Something Different

Behold the new fragrance for men who happen to be living with HIV/AIDS.

Let's face it: men who happen to be HIV-negative can act like highly insensitive jerks with their highly ignorant "clean" and "disease-free" attitudes.

Don't inhale the negative thinking of neg dudes. Take a big honking whiff of yourself and realize: sexy is all in your head, not theirs.

Be U. Be sexy poz.

Trial by AIDS

It takes a lot to live in today's world while trying to survive AIDS.

It takes courage to face the fear in other people's minds.

It takes strength to do all the steps necessary to maintain a healthy mind and body.

It takes bravery to be other people's worst nightmare while being your own best dream come true.

Think you have what it takes to live with HIV/AIDS in the 21st century?

I Deserve

I deserve love.

I deserve happiness.

I deserve respect.

I deserve compassion.

I deserve a long, healthy life.

I deserve love.

I deserve my deepest dreams come true.

Better Things

Even in the most chilled despair, there must be hope. That's the gist of one of my favorite lines from my favorite author, Anton Myrer.

In his epic war novel, Once an Eagle, the protaginist Sam was trying to explain to his young son why a person shouldn't just give up, seeing as how life can really, really suck sometimes, so much so, there's no point in going on, or so it seems.

But you've got to have hope, thought the character. Hope for a better time and a better day. Even in the most chilled despair, there must be hope.

Myrer's words help get me through the early days of the AIDS Panic, circa the 1980's. Those words also comfort me tonight, some 20-plus years later.

Always hope for better things. There must be hope.

My Space

When I was a young child, I created stories to help me feel better about myself, stories where I felt loved and appreciated.

When I was a teenager, I dreamed up an imaginary magazine called Sky. As in sky's the limit. It was a magazine for me and about me, a place where I felt loved and appreciated.

Today, I still see a world that still doesn't love or appreciate people like me. When's the last time saw an image where where the object of anyone's affection was someone like me, black, gay and living with HIV/AIDS?

At age 49, I still have to dream up places where I can feel better about myself, where I'm loved and appreciated, where my life experience is valued, where someone like me matters.

If I don't dream of it, who will?

Somewhere

Somewhere in this world, there's a guy who's dreaming of being with a man just like me.

Somewhere in this world, there's a guy who's dreaming of being with a man just like me.

Somewhere in this world, there's a guy who's dreaming of being with a man just like me.

Somewhere in this world, there's a guy who's dreaming of being with a man just like me.

Somewhere in this world, there's a guy who's dreaming of being with a man just like me.